Saturday, September 25, 2010

Purge Update

Purge (v): rid of, clean out, abolish, cleanse, clear, dismiss, dispose of, do away with, eject, eradicate, oust, remove, unload. Thank you, Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus. I like you very much. Webster's Thesaurus and Devlin's Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms? Very disappointing. When I needed extra verbage to help me expand my definition of purge, they let me down by not even listing the word. Not. Impressive. Perhaps I should purge them.
Purge is my favorite word this week. Although parts of my body are rebelling (hello, knees, yes I know you're there ~ you are screaming at me nonstop), I am having a good time getting rid of excess. I have an end in sight, a goal. I rarely set and work toward goals. I'm more of a "oh, look--this needs doing, let's do it" type of person. Which isn't necessarily the optimal way to live, as I'm finding out. At least not for me. It's led me to too much excess, and the resultant purge-fest may go on for weeks.
Right now my family room looks ... better. I've worked for over 2 hours today. The closet is completely empty (wheeee!), and the clothes are bagged nicely. I have organized the clothes my 5-year old can wear in the future into Space Bags (I love those things), and I have the baby and toddler clothes in other Space Bags to be gone through one last time. If there is anything "special" in the lot, something either of my girls finds worthy of keeping for their own kids or for memory's sake, it will stay. I can't let my little one do this, since she has shown a distinct attachment to inatimate objects. I don't know where she gets this from ;-) My eldest is very discerning, so she'll be OK doing this. After the bags have had their final look-through, off they go to our local Crisis Pregnancy Center (RealOptions). I don't even know if I will wash them. I want to, but will it hold up the purge? I'm afraid it will. I should take a couple bags from the pregnancy center's stash home and wash them up since there will be no memories attached to someone else's baby clothes. I know, I'm ridiculous. Call me silly. I realize how insane this sounds. But I also thought, as I said before, that I'd have a lot more kids. I think the clothes are somehow a comfort in a strange way--since I didn't have more kids, are they taking up some kid-shaped place in my heart? Who knows. At this point, I just know it's time to lighten up. Blessing someone else with these baby clothes is the right thing to do. It's biblical, it's what everyone around here knows needs to happen, and it's going to make my husband happy. And I know it will make me happy too. Why is it so difficult to give up something like this? I feel like once these baby clothes are out of the house--boom. All chance of another child will go with them. Which is very, very silly--I'm too old to have another baby, so why not bless someone with a real need for them? This argument has gone round and round in my head for some time now. I think it's going to hurt just a bit no matter when they go, no matter how sensible it is, no matter how old I am. Some things in life just sting. The fact that someone in need will be accepting them for their own precious baby is the balm for this kind of boo-boo. My head knows this. Now it's time for my heart to learn as well.

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